One year on…

11. 12. 2009 at 15:37

pete-2795This is my thinking aloud. It would probably be best kept internal, but it helps to put it down on paper so to speak. And this is where I put things down.

It was the same Friday one year ago when I came away from hospital…at this moment in time I’d sat in a chair waiting to be discharged after five days of the strangest period of my life. I’d had an unexpected heart attack and I hadn’t seen it coming.

Now a year on I know much more about the heart and healthy living, but from a personal point of view I’ve changed. I used to think I was a 20+ year old in a 40+ year old body with an energy and fitness level of a 30+. Now I feel more like a 50 year old in 40+ year old body with a 60 year old fitness level. They say you go through an period of denial. Well mine seems to have continued. On the outside I put on a brave face, but on the inside I’m still feeling shaken by the whole thing.  I can be thankful I’m still here, and I now know that certain food and a more active lifestyle is necessary, but I haven’t exactly done anything drastic with my “wake up call”. Ok I’m eating more fruit, nuts, fish and less chocolate, cheese and cakes, but  I seem to be wasting much more time, turning down more invites, avoiding more things. It’s a weird feeling, like I’m not in total control. That’s hard to accept from someone who likes to be in control.

I’m going to have to do something…I’m just not sure what yet.

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